Profile

nikon: (Default)
Nikon Raccoon
nikon: (Help?)
[personal profile] nikon
I don't post here that often because I'm either causing drama, or I feel no one will care. But that happened yesterday was big enough that I have to write it down.

I've been feeling down for months, years now. Yesterday I was attempting to fix my car's headlight with Kammy, and snapped at them when they touched the bulb with their bare paw. I hurt them enough that Kammy got moody and went to their room. It hit a trigger in me, if I hurt someone, it hurts me as well, but amplified. So I fell into bed crying. I missed the weekly gaming group, and in the haze of pain, I told everyone that I couldn't do the gaming group anymore. I went back to my room and the dark thoughts simmered.

Most of the time I feel that I'm just a useless outsider that should be erased from existance, and the feelings came to a head. I wrapped a belt around my neck and pulled tight so I could not breath. After a minute I got scared and released the belt.

I went out and asked to be taken someplace safe. As there is no way I can afford a night in a mental health hospital, my gaming group drove me around the valley while I got hugged by a sheppy and an ant. They made sure I wasn't left alone last night, till I had to come to work.

I'm still not feeling the best, I have a headache and a pain in my chest that painkillers won't take away. I can't say I'm fully out of danger. I've been suicidal since I was 13. Mostly because I don't fit in or belong anywhere, and because I seem to bring only pain to those around me.

I don't know what else to say.
From:
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
User
Account name:
Password:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
Subject:
HTML doesn't work in the subject.

Message:

If you are unable to use this captcha for any reason, please contact us by email at support@dreamwidth.org


 
Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.

Style Credit

Page generated Sep. 23rd, 2017 11:30 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios