nikon: (Default)
2020-06-09 05:59 pm

[sticky entry] Sticky: (no subject)

This Journal is Friends Only.

If you add me, there's a good chance I'll add you back, unless I have no clue who you are.
nikon: (Default)
2016-05-08 11:07 pm

(no subject)

So, this week I'm heading to BLFC. Not sure if there's anyone from here who is going, but I'd like to meet anyone who is.

Already got my weekend planned

nikon: (Default)
2016-04-21 03:57 pm

Death and Family

Saturday I got a call from my father. My maternal grandmother had passed away in the night due to breast cancer.
Been feeling rather down all week, from the loss and the fact that my notification came from my father, and not my mother's side of the family.

I started up a Family only facebook account to try to reconnect. I'm really scared as I worry no one will connect.

My uncle did post on facebook when the funeral is. Saturday in San Diego. If I had the money I'd be making the 11+ hour drive down. My worry is that I would not be allowed in. The funeral is at a Pentecostal church that my grandmother went to. They are anti-LGBT. I don't want to make a scene.

Saturday I'll remember my grandmother on my own, hugs would be nice.
nikon: (Help?)
2013-10-13 08:42 pm

I attempted suicide last night (I'm still here)

I don't post here that often because I'm either causing drama, or I feel no one will care. But that happened yesterday was big enough that I have to write it down.

I've been feeling down for months, years now. Yesterday I was attempting to fix my car's headlight with Kammy, and snapped at them when they touched the bulb with their bare paw. I hurt them enough that Kammy got moody and went to their room. It hit a trigger in me, if I hurt someone, it hurts me as well, but amplified. So I fell into bed crying. I missed the weekly gaming group, and in the haze of pain, I told everyone that I couldn't do the gaming group anymore. I went back to my room and the dark thoughts simmered.

Most of the time I feel that I'm just a useless outsider that should be erased from existance, and the feelings came to a head. I wrapped a belt around my neck and pulled tight so I could not breath. After a minute I got scared and released the belt.

I went out and asked to be taken someplace safe. As there is no way I can afford a night in a mental health hospital, my gaming group drove me around the valley while I got hugged by a sheppy and an ant. They made sure I wasn't left alone last night, till I had to come to work.

I'm still not feeling the best, I have a headache and a pain in my chest that painkillers won't take away. I can't say I'm fully out of danger. I've been suicidal since I was 13. Mostly because I don't fit in or belong anywhere, and because I seem to bring only pain to those around me.

I don't know what else to say.
nikon: (Default)
2013-08-23 08:44 pm

Social Media.

Been pondering social media. I'm alreally on LJ/DW, but don't make much noise cause I don't want to cause drama. I am over on Twitter and have various IMs. What I've been pondering is if I should get a Facebook or Google+ account. I've been avoiding both services for years over privacy, spam and issues with the name policy. But, as IMs and IRC/Muck get quieter and quieter, I'm left wondering where and how to connect to other furs. Any comments would be helpful.
nikon: (Cute)
2011-12-09 08:05 pm

Conversation at work

More rabbit hole stuff from work. I had this conversation earlier.

Coworker: *holds up a bag of spinich* Tell me if ths spinich smells bad?
Me: I don't know, ask a rabbit?
Coworker: I don't have a rabbit, but I'm sitting next to a raccoon.

Can I just go crazy and assume I'm living in the Paradise universe?
nikon: (Help?)
2011-08-21 12:31 pm

This is not easy

I went to the funeral for a friend yesterday. He had died too young, and due to taking his life. Couldn't stop crying during the service, and spent the rest of the day pushing my emotions into a little dark corner, like I always do.

In some ways I don't understand why, but in others, I understand all too well. I've been suicidal since I was 14. 20 years I've been fighting the desire to take my own life. The first was trying to overdose on aspirin after a bad bullying event, and it has never gotten better since then. It is a darkness, a demon that I fight every day. I am saddened every time I lose a friend to that demon, or for any other reason. Even now in dealing with the grief that comes from losing a friend to suicide, I still can feel those urges to end my own life. The demon can be very loud and persuasive, telling me that I'm 'a stupid, dumb, idiot, who deserves to die' and 'you are nothing, and no one'. And I believe it. But I fight. I fight so that others won't feel that grief. That pain. I may or may not win, but I fight it every day.

I'm not sure what else to say.

I'm going to post more about the last few weeks later today. This has been my first day to relax in weeks, and I need to use it.
nikon: (Default)
2011-07-31 02:42 pm

(no subject)

I need some help. If there is anyone going to [twitter.com profile] IndyFurCon, I really could use a place to sleep durring the con. The room I was to be in, the furs pulled out at the last minute. If no one has any extra room, I need to start looking into hotel options now. I see there is a Super 8 and an Extended Stay close for $50/night. I'd rather not pay that much, as I'm still not sure if I'm going to be stiffed by the idiot psychopath that is moving out this weekend. Help please?
nikon: (Help?)
2009-06-20 02:47 am

(no subject)

Looking at a new job. I can't do my current one anymore. I'm looking at positions within the company though. All the internal transfer require a resume attached. I'm not good at writing Resumes. I've never actually been hired with one. I was wondering if any of you out there could help me with mine. The main thing I am needing help with is the 'Objective' section. I think I have most of the other parts down.

I am going for an IT position, and a HR Clerical Position.

Here is what I currently have for my Resume (PDF Document). Note this is the one for the IT position I really want, and I'll take out the Skills section for the HR position. Any help will be wonderful. Thank you in advance.
nikon: (Default)
2008-04-16 06:13 pm

(no subject)

Wow. the Rider we gave a ride to this weekend, actually emailed me today Thanking us for the ride.
He also included a link to his website: http://www.bobpalin.com/
My dear dog... I didn't know we had picked up a pro photographer! And he's really good, much better then I ever could be.
He's also offered us a backcountry tour of the area the next time we head down to his area. Tara and I really should take him up on it.
nikon: (Default)
2008-04-15 09:02 pm

(no subject)

Dog what a weekend. Exciting and frustrating at the same time.

Saturday [livejournal.com profile] tarathene and I got up late, and packed up to head down to Southern Utah to do some photography and hiking. We were to leave by 10am. We didn't get out of the Area till 2:30 in the afternoon. The drive down to Goblin Valley was a good one, driving along US six though the Wasatch Mountains, and up onto the high desert. Half the route we were joined by train tracks, on which the California Zephyr ran. In fact, we did see it twice, once on the way out there, with it heading back to Salt Lake, and on the way back, with it heading to Denver.

We made wonderful time down to i70, and after getting on UT-24, Tara and I spotted what I thought was a hitchhiker at first, but Tara saw his bike before I did. Poor guy's motorcycle got a flat. We offered him a ride down to the down to the nearest town, and talked along the way. He was a very nice Brit who had moved here about 20 years ago. When he found out we were going to Goblin Valley, he offered to come along, as he had his SLR also. He also paid our park entrance fee for the night, and we were able to get some wonderful sunset shots of the Hoodoo's and the landscape with mountains in the distance. We dropped our guest off in Hanksville, where he was able to get a ride home. Also we visited a very odd gas station, it was built into the side of a hill, in a little man made cave.

Tara and I made it back down to a turnoff just outside of the park, in BLM land, and watched the moon and the stars until we fell asleep in the car. We got up the next morning, so early that there was just barely a glow on the horizon. On the way into the park to get some of the sunrise shots, we encountered a small herd of antelope crossing the road. We went up into the park, after paying our admission in the drop box, and got photos of the rock formations lit up with the magic light that sunrise and sunset gives. After sunset we went on a mile and a half hike, that took us across a small ridge, then down into some fun canyons. A good taste for the rest of the day. After the hike, we had breakfast, and went down to walk amung the Hoodoo's. Tara and I had fun wandering around, and taking photos of each other with the strange rocks. When we were way back in the canyon we both started yelling 'ROCK! ROCK! ROCK!' until we were all giggly. We headed back to the car, so we could get some water for the long hike in the afternoon.

Tara took me up for a 8 mile hike though Little Wild Horse and Bell Canyons. (link1 link2) Tara's guide book put this hike as easy. Heck, even that first link says 'This hike is suitable for just about everyone. If you enjoy a long walk in the park than you can probably complete this hike with little problem.' BS. Pure BS. This hike pushed me to my limits. Not only was it long, there were several obstacles in the way we had to climb and crawl under. The canyons are Slot Canyons, going up though the San Rafael Reef into the San Rafael Swell. The hike is supposed to take 4-5 hours, but it took Tara and I 9 hours to complete. Granted, part of that time was stopping to eat, and to photograph the canyon. We ended up getting caught in Bell Canyon after dark, but we had both brought Mini-Mags and had the light of a quarter moon to guide us. All overhead we could see bats flying out of holes in the canyons to feed. It was so great to see batties in the wild, I've only seen them in zoos before. We finally made it back to the trailhead at 9:30pm.

We took off back down the dirt road for the highway, and made it as far as a truck stop in Green River, UT. We had planned on a half hour nap, but ended up accidentally sleeping till 3:30am. Tara and I took turns driving home, heading back up US6, and getting home at 7am, just in time for me to catch a shower and get off to work. Needless to say I was wiped out on Monday. Unfortunately my body won't let me sleep before midnight, and usually before 2am. This is not good when one has training at 8am. In fact, this training schedule is killing me. I haven't had a good nights of sleep in weeks, and that was because I passed out from exhaustion. This is the last week of training, then I go to the evening shift, and I'll start to feel a bit better, and have more time for the Internet. Also Tara and I are thinking about getting out of town either every other weekend, or once a month.

Tomorrow night I need to do laundry, and work on getting all my photos from the last few months converted and uploaded.
nikon: (Default)
2008-02-18 04:57 am
Entry tags:

RNN: Raccoon News Network: Week of 17 Feb, 2007

This is Stephanie Nikon Raccoon with all the news that is worth the churr.

As we have not had a broadcast in almost a year, this will be a long newscast. The shiney down in the corner will help keep your attention though it.

Uggla takes home unusual new pet: Second baseman finds baby raccoon while playing golf

I must say meep for the poor thing. And yay for a player taking in the little guy. But unfortunately, if he turns the raccoon over to an animal shelter, the kit will be destroyed, because of the fear of rabies. My hope is that ballplayer takes the kit to a wildlife rehabilitator.


Uncapped chimneys pose danger for wildlife

As always. Us raccoons may be wonderful creatures, be we really don't get along with a human lifestyle sometimes. Also, Chimney's are not the best place for us. I for one would hate the smoke. Please, cap your chimneys.


Legend come to life

Somehow this has fallen though the cracks here at RNN. We first heard of this story a year ago. A team of animators are making a CGI cartoon based on the Oneida legend 'The Raccoon and the Crayfish'. The Trailer for the film is up on YouTube, but as of yet RNN has not received a copy for screening. I for one am looking forward to more raccoons in Film.



Night of the raccoons

Rather funny story that came into RNN. I am glad that the kit was freed from the bottle, as unfortunately this is a rather common problem among our wild cousins. Now, there has never been an invasion of raccoons here in North America, actually it was the other way around, the humans invaded us. Now our invasion of Europe is going nicely, and we are holding on to our footholds in Japan. Hopefully we will one day be able to take over when the humans leave.


The Ghost of Wild Parties Past: The Legend of Isla Vista’s Albino Raccoon

RNN has gotten in news reports of a infamous albino raccoon in the Santa Barbra area. It would seem that this raccoon is living on after it's death, or a successor has come in to take up it's mantle. If nothing else, it brings us happiness that a raccoon is bringing joy to so many humans.

Got raccoons? Cayenne, radio and light may work
Raccoons may be residing with you; Furry squatters on the lookout for cosy spot to give birth, expert says

Another pair of stories in the long line of news reports on how to keep raccoons away from your house. Us raccoons can be slightly destructive, but then humans do leave out rather tasty treats for our wild cousins at times. What surprised me was this section of the SunHerald article.

To encourage the raccoons to leave, seal up all of the holes except the one they're using. Sprinkle a generous amount of cayenne pepper flakes around and inside the entry point.

Place a portable radio as near their den as possible. Tune it to one of the talk show programs and turn up the volume as high as it will go.

Next, shine a flood light on the hole. Together, these three actions should drive the critters from your home. If for some reason this doesn't work, try trapping.


If i am not mistaken, this a normal psychological warfare for humans too. Is this not the technique used to drive out Noriega after the invasion of Panama? I know that I would high tail it out of anywhere that was blaring talk radio at me.


Now for the crime report. Well, that is what the humans are reporting it as.

Tuscarawas County, OH
A Kerns Dr. NE, Bolivar, woman said Monday she found a raccoon sitting in her vehicle after she had opened the vehicle’s door and left it unattended.

This reporter must disclose that this is the county that her family lives in, but does not know the raccoon in question.

Portsmouth, NH
1:32 a.m. — A motorist reported that a raccoon chased him from the door of the Dunkin' Donuts on Woodbury Avenue to his vehicle. The caller stayed in his vehicle and followed the animal across the street to behind Joe's Pizza. The caller believed the raccoon to be rabid.

It is this reporters opinion that the raccoon was just rather hungry and wanting a donut, possibly from being fed from other humans. Unfortunately, it is best for humans to assume that raccoons are rabid, as they can't tell raccoon behaviour like us raccoons have. It's safer for both our wild cousins and the humans themselves.

And that brings us to a health report.

Seek USDA help on Folly raccoons

An updated article on a news report we brought you last year about the rabies vaccination program. Reports are that the program is working for our wild cousins, and it brings hope to raccoons everywhere. Remember everyone out there to get all your vaccination, and keep them up to date.

With all the news that's worth the churr, I'm Stephanie Nikon Raccoon, and goodnight.
nikon: (Default)
2007-12-08 06:59 pm

(no subject)

I've been crying for the last half hour.
I was just let go from my job. And for something that wasn't my fault.
It seems that on Tuesday I was 8 minutes over the 5 hour limit to go to lunch. At walmart this is cause for a write up. But because I had gotten sick earlier this year, and had a write up for going home sick back in May (you can have only four sick days every six months, the day I went home made it five), company policy was to let me go. Both the store manager and the assistant manager over me didn't want to fire me. They very much stressed that, and I was told that I have a job waiting once the six month hold I have on reapplying is over. Doesn't help me much in the meantime. Though they did both say I can put them down as personal references. That's something I guess.

I'm going to have to wait till Thursday to look for another job, as there isn't enough gas in my car to do any running around, and this Thursday will be my second to last paycheck, I'll get a tiny one two weeks after, for the four hours I worked today. I'll hit the few computer places around here then, and start searching the want ads. What a horrible time to be looking.
nikon: (Default)
2007-04-04 03:14 pm
Entry tags:

Your Weekly Raccoon News

This is Stephanie Nikon Raccoon with all the news that is worth the churr.

Did raccoon ‘rescue’ cross line?
I think rescuing the animals in your neighborhood is a good thing. After all, they were there first, you moved into their home. Besides, how can you call those cute faces vermin?

Saucy raccoon’s story told in the Valley he once called home
More Raccoon books. Though I'm not sure about the picture... for being a raccoon lover, why on earth is she wearing a coonskin cap?
Here's her raccoon books though:
There's a raccoon in my parka
Tabasco the Saucy Raccoon
Oh, and too my cougar friends out there, she also seems to have done a book called 'Love affair with a cougar'

And now for something completely different.
Long-time I.V. Resident Is Tired of Hassling, Names
Cute letter to the editor from an albino raccoon.

Slow news week this week, and that will happen from time to time.

With all the news that's worth the churr, I'm Stephanie Nikon Raccoon, and goodnight.
nikon: (Default)
2007-03-29 06:19 pm
Entry tags:

(no subject)

I'm a little curious. Does anyone read the raccoon news I post? I get very little replies about it, and it makes me wonder. If no one reads it, why bother to put them up. I do PDF most of the good raccoon news stories that I come across, as alot of the stories seem to vanish after 14 days. So, should I keep it up, or dump it?
nikon: (Default)
2007-03-27 04:49 pm
Entry tags:

Raccoon News

As google pulls up news stories with the keyword raccoon in them, it also pulls up stories about places with Raccoon in their name. I know [livejournal.com profile] linnaeus is compiling a list of them. So I'll include Raccoon namesakes as they come up for him, and for anyone that's interested.

Raccoon Point Park, Somerset County, Maryland (map)(topo map)

I thought I'd also look up some more information about the Raccoon School that I keep getting info on from Centrillia, IL. And I've come across quite a bit actually.
http://www.raccoon.k12.il.us/ Raccoon Elementary, Centrilia, IL
http://www.hopewell.k12.pa.us/ra.htm Another Raccoon Elementary, this time in Pennsylvania. Seems from google there are alot of Raccoon schools out there.
http://www.friscoisd.org/schools/fhs/index.htm Came up when I searched for Raccoon High. They're the home of the fighting Raccoons.


Raccoon rabies vaccines: Officials hope program stops growing problem
It's nice to know that some humans are trying to solve the rabies problem without resorting to slaughter. Us Raccoons thank them.

Linnaeus at 300: The royal raccoon from Swedesboro
For those who were wondering where [livejournal.com profile] linnaeus got his name.

Ms. Takes: Outsmarted by a pesky backyard raccoon
Try to keep a raccoon out of food? You'll lose that battle every time.

WHIT GIBBONS: Raccoons could make very good house pets
I was worried when I saw this headline. But the article does list alot of the pitfalls and hazards of humans taking us into their homes. We make wonderful companions, but we get bored easily, and you can't keep us out of anything we don't want to get into. If you want to take a raccoon into your home, be prepared to live with a critter as smart as you, and with the mischiefness of a three year old.
nikon: (Default)
2007-03-14 02:31 am
Entry tags:

More Raccoon news

IMMIGRANT RASCALS: Raccoons Invade Germany
Actually, if you're a raccoon fan, then you've know of the German Raccoons (sometimes called the Nazi Raccoons). This is just an update it seems from the english service part of a German news magazine.

Get your raccoon repellent here
I'm all for non lethal ways to keep humans and raccoons apart. Raccoons may be cute and cuddly, but they are wildlife (some wilder then others) and really humans should stay away from us.

Atchafalaya Voice: The Raccoon (Nonfiction)
Cute story of a family keeping a raccoon as a pet

I've also been having a bunch of reports of Rabid raccoons, Raccoon Dinners (eep! Folks still eat raccoon in this day and age?!), and the Tanuki fur labeled faux fur stories. I'm going to try to stick with just the positive stories in my LJ. Sometimes it's hard. Then there's the story that a Raccoon is responsible for the recent increase in gas prices

Strangely I also get alot of stories of the Raccoon Lake Area of Centralia, IL, which seems to have a Raccoon High School. They even call their women's sports team the Lady Raccoons. [livejournal.com profile] linnaeus, we should take a trip down there sometime. According to the map, there's an amtrak station not far from the Lake.
nikon: (Default)
2007-02-04 01:44 am
Entry tags:

(no subject)

More raccoon links

Gang of masked bandits captured

A coon in my coveralls
Rather interesting story. But don't read if you don't like hearing about trapping and skinning as told 20 years after the fact. It did have my laughing.

Raccoon battles rehabilitator mentally, physically

Albino Raccoon Living Well
[livejournal.com profile] chloered, you should like this one.

Keep critters from creating havoc
We all love raccoons, but until they can walk and talk like us furs, we need to keep them away from our homes, there are lots of tips in this article for that.
nikon: (Default)
2007-01-22 12:38 am
Entry tags:

Some Raccoon News Stories

Some interesting stories that came up in Google News about raccoons.

'Raccoon Tune' gets set to its own music
A raccoon Musical? It will be bigger then Cats!

'Monster' the raccoon goes free
Grrrr. I don't like humans who think that all raccoons have rabies.

Ricky the Flighing Raccoon
Some good raccoon pictures in this one. Shame the coonie lost his home.

Let the Gourd Times Roll
A war with a raccoon over sunflower seeds, and has one of the best lines I've seen:

"Because raccoons are smart -- so smart they could hack into theAmerican voting system and change the destiny of the free world. Oh,wait, they've already done that."

Did I miss the secret meeting?

Hey, who invited them?
Tips for how to keep raccoons out of your home, without killing them.

Racoon wreeks havoc at Stephen Photography
I swear it wasn't me!