A little journal for a little draccoon

Not much happened today. But I did solve a problem that had been stumping my professor in my Web Programming class.

In PHP there's a print function that outputs everything between two tags you define. Apparently on the closing tag, you cannot have any whitespace after the tag, or you will get an error, which in this case threw a 500 error on the server. It was documented that you couldn't have any whitespace before, but nothing about after. Otherwise for school I was bored out of my mind during my statistics class.

Other then that, I had therapy. Therapist suggested I start keeping a journal so I can keep track of my moods and what had happened from day to day. Not sure how long I'll keep this up, but it is worth a shot.

I had a very odd dream last night. I somehow ended up on my community college's GhostBusters team. But that's not the part I want to focus on. We had just broken a nasty TF curse on someone. Afterwards one of my teachers asked me to go and volunteer at a convention named ConCon. Except no one could tell me what the con was about. I heard it was a general fandom con, then a kids con, but could not get a straight answer. I do remember it being somewhere in Wisconsin, halfway along the Lake Michigan coast.
I take the train to get there. When I get off. I find a commuter train labeled as going to "ConCon." Since I was working the con, I had showed up early, and the train was filled with dummies. Someone said they were testing for crowds.
I ended up at the con hotel, and well, I'm starting to forget. I do remember a performer with a Theremin type instrument, but then changed to burning flash paper, and flammable colored dust. Now I knew why I was there to prevent the place from burning down.
I got into the con, and was trying to find ops to check in, but could not find it, and everyone I talked to made it sound like it was strange to be there. I finally find the volunteer lead. And again I get questioned as why I was there. I explained, and the pair doing the interview looked shocked.
Then I woke up. I hop on discord, and there's a fox going Konkon. And now I realize it was a foxie con, and me, the normal human was not supposed to be there.

Saturday I got a call from my father. My maternal grandmother had passed away in the night due to breast cancer.
Been feeling rather down all week, from the loss and the fact that my notification came from my father, and not my mother's side of the family.

I started up a Family only facebook account to try to reconnect. I'm really scared as I worry no one will connect.

My uncle did post on facebook when the funeral is. Saturday in San Diego. If I had the money I'd be making the 11+ hour drive down. My worry is that I would not be allowed in. The funeral is at a Pentecostal church that my grandmother went to. They are anti-LGBT. I don't want to make a scene.

Saturday I'll remember my grandmother on my own, hugs would be nice.

Been pondering social media. I'm alreally on LJ/DW, but don't make much noise cause I don't want to cause drama. I am over on Twitter and have various IMs. What I've been pondering is if I should get a Facebook or Google+ account. I've been avoiding both services for years over privacy, spam and issues with the name policy. But, as IMs and IRC/Muck get quieter and quieter, I'm left wondering where and how to connect to other furs. Any comments would be helpful.

I went to the funeral for a friend yesterday. He had died too young, and due to taking his life. Couldn't stop crying during the service, and spent the rest of the day pushing my emotions into a little dark corner, like I always do.

In some ways I don't understand why, but in others, I understand all too well. I've been suicidal since I was 14. 20 years I've been fighting the desire to take my own life. The first was trying to overdose on aspirin after a bad bullying event, and it has never gotten better since then. It is a darkness, a demon that I fight every day. I am saddened every time I lose a friend to that demon, or for any other reason. Even now in dealing with the grief that comes from losing a friend to suicide, I still can feel those urges to end my own life. The demon can be very loud and persuasive, telling me that I'm 'a stupid, dumb, idiot, who deserves to die' and 'you are nothing, and no one'. And I believe it. But I fight. I fight so that others won't feel that grief. That pain. I may or may not win, but I fight it every day.

I'm not sure what else to say.

I'm going to post more about the last few weeks later today. This has been my first day to relax in weeks, and I need to use it.

Looking at a new job. I can't do my current one anymore. I'm looking at positions within the company though. All the internal transfer require a resume attached. I'm not good at writing Resumes. I've never actually been hired with one. I was wondering if any of you out there could help me with mine. The main thing I am needing help with is the 'Objective' section. I think I have most of the other parts down.

I am going for an IT position, and a HR Clerical Position.

Here is what I currently have for my Resume (PDF Document). Note this is the one for the IT position I really want, and I'll take out the Skills section for the HR position. Any help will be wonderful. Thank you in advance.

Dog what a weekend. Exciting and frustrating at the same time.

Saturday tarathene and I got up late, and packed up to head down to Southern Utah to do some photography and hiking. We were to leave by 10am. We didn't get out of the Area till 2:30 in the afternoon. The drive down to Goblin Valley was a good one, driving along US six though the Wasatch Mountains, and up onto the high desert. Half the route we were joined by train tracks, on which the California Zephyr ran. In fact, we did see it twice, once on the way out there, with it heading back to Salt Lake, and on the way back, with it heading to Denver.

We made wonderful time down to i70, and after getting on UT-24, Tara and I spotted what I thought was a hitchhiker at first, but Tara saw his bike before I did. Poor guy's motorcycle got a flat. We offered him a ride down to the down to the nearest town, and talked along the way. He was a very nice Brit who had moved here about 20 years ago. When he found out we were going to Goblin Valley, he offered to come along, as he had his SLR also. He also paid our park entrance fee for the night, and we were able to get some wonderful sunset shots of the Hoodoo's and the landscape with mountains in the distance. We dropped our guest off in Hanksville, where he was able to get a ride home. Also we visited a very odd gas station, it was built into the side of a hill, in a little man made cave.

Tara and I made it back down to a turnoff just outside of the park, in BLM land, and watched the moon and the stars until we fell asleep in the car. We got up the next morning, so early that there was just barely a glow on the horizon. On the way into the park to get some of the sunrise shots, we encountered a small herd of antelope crossing the road. We went up into the park, after paying our admission in the drop box, and got photos of the rock formations lit up with the magic light that sunrise and sunset gives. After sunset we went on a mile and a half hike, that took us across a small ridge, then down into some fun canyons. A good taste for the rest of the day. After the hike, we had breakfast, and went down to walk amung the Hoodoo's. Tara and I had fun wandering around, and taking photos of each other with the strange rocks. When we were way back in the canyon we both started yelling 'ROCK! ROCK! ROCK!' until we were all giggly. We headed back to the car, so we could get some water for the long hike in the afternoon.

Tara took me up for a 8 mile hike though Little Wild Horse and Bell Canyons. (link1 link2) Tara's guide book put this hike as easy. Heck, even that first link says 'This hike is suitable for just about everyone. If you enjoy a long walk in the park than you can probably complete this hike with little problem.' BS. Pure BS. This hike pushed me to my limits. Not only was it long, there were several obstacles in the way we had to climb and crawl under. The canyons are Slot Canyons, going up though the San Rafael Reef into the San Rafael Swell. The hike is supposed to take 4-5 hours, but it took Tara and I 9 hours to complete. Granted, part of that time was stopping to eat, and to photograph the canyon. We ended up getting caught in Bell Canyon after dark, but we had both brought Mini-Mags and had the light of a quarter moon to guide us. All overhead we could see bats flying out of holes in the canyons to feed. It was so great to see batties in the wild, I've only seen them in zoos before. We finally made it back to the trailhead at 9:30pm.

We took off back down the dirt road for the highway, and made it as far as a truck stop in Green River, UT. We had planned on a half hour nap, but ended up accidentally sleeping till 3:30am. Tara and I took turns driving home, heading back up US6, and getting home at 7am, just in time for me to catch a shower and get off to work. Needless to say I was wiped out on Monday. Unfortunately my body won't let me sleep before midnight, and usually before 2am. This is not good when one has training at 8am. In fact, this training schedule is killing me. I haven't had a good nights of sleep in weeks, and that was because I passed out from exhaustion. This is the last week of training, then I go to the evening shift, and I'll start to feel a bit better, and have more time for the Internet. Also Tara and I are thinking about getting out of town either every other weekend, or once a month.

Tomorrow night I need to do laundry, and work on getting all my photos from the last few months converted and uploaded.

I've been crying for the last half hour.
I was just let go from my job. And for something that wasn't my fault.
It seems that on Tuesday I was 8 minutes over the 5 hour limit to go to lunch. At walmart this is cause for a write up. But because I had gotten sick earlier this year, and had a write up for going home sick back in May (you can have only four sick days every six months, the day I went home made it five), company policy was to let me go. Both the store manager and the assistant manager over me didn't want to fire me. They very much stressed that, and I was told that I have a job waiting once the six month hold I have on reapplying is over. Doesn't help me much in the meantime. Though they did both say I can put them down as personal references. That's something I guess.

I'm going to have to wait till Thursday to look for another job, as there isn't enough gas in my car to do any running around, and this Thursday will be my second to last paycheck, I'll get a tiny one two weeks after, for the four hours I worked today. I'll hit the few computer places around here then, and start searching the want ads. What a horrible time to be looking.

I'm a little curious. Does anyone read the raccoon news I post? I get very little replies about it, and it makes me wonder. If no one reads it, why bother to put them up. I do PDF most of the good raccoon news stories that I come across, as alot of the stories seem to vanish after 14 days. So, should I keep it up, or dump it?